She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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