why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
