you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
