Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
