is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
