So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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