eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's always time for handjobs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
