Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
