Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
