I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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