Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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