Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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