just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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