My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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