i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
