I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
