The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
