is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Buhtt sex?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
