I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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