the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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