I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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