Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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