Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
