I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
