I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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