I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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