just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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