oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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