I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
