see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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