I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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