And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
