please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
