I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
