I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
