genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hippo gnu deer
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
