Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
