he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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