Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize