I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
