just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
