i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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