ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
