Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
