Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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