he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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