Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
