I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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