it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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