I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
