My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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