I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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