i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
