My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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