Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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