You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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