it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
