there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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