I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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