and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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