I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
