I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
