I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
do herpes really smell.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
