They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
