my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
