After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
