i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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