she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize