I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
