That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
