so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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