seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
